Do you know what your “CAN” robbers are?
As part of my YES YOU CAN blog series, I am sharing some CAN-ROBBERS today!
I’ve got 7 can-robbers for you. And these are what I see day in day out in my coaching practice (and some that creep up in my own life from time to time too!). And they are the classic things that hold women back, stop them from believing they CAN do something. And ultimately crushes them making wonderful things happen in their lives..
When you get a grip of your CAN-robbers, you’ll soon start to realise how much easier it is to turn can’t into CAN!
Because it’s not always a lack of motivation, oh no!
The top 7 CAN-robbers I see a lot…
Juggling too much – When you are at full capacity, saying yes too much (often to the ‘wrong’ things!) and especially if you don’t have strong boundaries and time management, you can easily use justifications to tell yourself you can’t do something. Because it will absolutely feel like you don’t have the head space, time or energy to fit something else in, even when it’s important to you. But you CAN. You just need to make some tweaks here and there and challenge some of your choices. One of the things I love most about being a coach is when a client starts a session with me going “I just can’t do it” and within 60 minutes, we have a plan and there’s a smile on her face! It’s usually about looking your priorities and values, taking some things out (or pausing them for a while), putting a full solutions hat on and pushing back on yourself to what you’ve been choosing to do and looking at what you can do differently.
Not enough help and support – I go on about this all the time! Because most of the greatest things I’ve made happen or changes I’ve made in my life, I’ve had help and support to get there. But a lot of women have a belief that they need to or should be able to do things by themselves. These are often the very women who are juggling too much as well! Women can achieve SO much more of the things they really want for themselves when they are supported and also when they delegate! The martyr identity can also come out with many women too. Which makes them have bitter attitude – as they tell themselves they can’t do X (what they really want to do), because they’re stuck doing, a, b, c, d and e for everyone else… Er, NO! Often the solution and freedom is right there, but their mindset is telling them otherwise. As I often say, women are usually a big part of the problem with their problems!
Not having a clear plan or focus – We live in a world where we can so easily be distracted and where most people are riddled with information overload. And this means it can be SO easy to forget about our goals, wishes and dreams. This is why I’m such a fan of goal phases (a big part of my I’ve got the POWER program). Where I choose a period of time (usually 6 week half term blocks, sometimes 12/13 weeks) and I lock into a few things I want to make happen. And I make it a little positive project. But if you don’t bring the right things to your attention daily, it’s almost guaranteed that life will get in the way. Plus with a clear plan, you can break things down much more easily into bite size chunks working in priority order – which alleviates the wishy-washy-ness that women can find themselves in – as they just ‘try’ to create what they want and drift in and out of it all.
Terrible time management – Seriously most women really struggle to make the most of their time. Classic time related CAN robbers are a) cramming too much in at the start of the week and then totally crashing, meaning you lose about 25% of time compared to if you paced yourself and are balanced between doing and being. b) Not working in peak energy slots so you’re not productive, this means things take you much longer and you struggle to complete key things too. c) not resting and relaxing enough – yep it’s a huge part of positive time management! And d) not timetabling your day. You don’t have to timetable every single day and certainly not forever. But, if you’re busy but you want to make something happen, timetabling (or time-blocking as I call it) can help you not only compartmentalise. But also help to ensure you have enough time to do the right things. Keep looking at where you waste time and where you can create more time… it’s usually there!
Comments from other people – Once, an ex boyfriend once told me when we split up that I’d never make it in the fitness industry. I didn’t listen. And I made it a motivational driver to build a really successful fitness business – two fingers up to that comment! But for a lot of people, comments like that can stop them in their tracks. There are more subtle things like; “You don’t want to do that do you?”, “Really?” ‘Aren’t you worried that will….”, “Wow, that’s brave!”, “I wouldn’t if I was you”, “Are you sure you’ll be able to have the time?”, “Is that wise right now?” can come out of friends, families, partners and colleagues mouths, which can rock you. But this is THEIR stuff, from THEIR maps of the world, THEIR fears, THEIR values and THEIR beliefs. Usually it comes from a positive intention, but it’s often enough to create self-doubt and a change of heart. So, you HAVE to put your blinkers on, you MUST focus on what you want and ALWAYS get yourself ready to respond to any comments or opinions calmly and strongly with your head held high. You don’t need to be angry or defensive, know what you want and build your own strong belief system around this. Repeat after me, do NOT let someone else’ stuff stop you from doing your stuff!
Unhelpful beliefs – These are nearly always going to be your biggest CAN robbers. yet, most people don’t even know what theirs are. They can be very hidden sometimes and will be behind your thoughts, fears ,what you tell yourself, how you see things and whether you succeed or sabotage. You won’t get started if you have the fear of failure and you won’t keep going if you have a fear of success, but you might not know you have this. You might label yourself a procrastinator (with a fear of failure) and consider yourself someone with an all or nothing mindset (with a fear of success behind it). Get a grip of your unhelpful beliefs (because they CAN be changed!) and you’ll see yourself and your ability on another level. BEST is a brilliant program for getting to grips with these.
No daily mindset practice – It doesn’t have to be journaling, but I do think 10 minutes of bigging yourself up in the morning, being connected to your intentions and goals, reflecting on where you are, mastering your thoughts and thinking about your day ahead – and what the most important things to create time for are AND the way you want to do things – is SO key! And even a daily morning dose of inspiration can make a HUGE impact to how you see yourself and how you show up in your day.
If you’re really wanting to make something awesome happen, in any area of your life, but you know you have tour CAN-ROBBERS, do check out my I’ve got the POWER program. It can help you with the mindset and practical side of motivation – and it’s all drip fed out via 40 x 15 minute audios! Many of my clients set off their daily emails (you can do that at a time to suit you) and listen to one a day. Others like to binge-listen for a big CAN-BOOSTER! This can be purchased individually BUT is now also included in my Life Management Hub
And remember that you are the BOSS of your own life and you CAN push through your can-robbers!