Do you have a gremlin on your shoulder?!
Women can be their own worst enemy when it comes to their thoughts – especially when they are wanting to enhance their life, are running a business or trying to get a business venture off the ground.
Thoughts really are everything – so if unhelpful thoughts dominate and keep you awake at night, particularly when there are challenges and compromises in the world, read on!
Most female small business owners work by themselves, with very little support too. So what goes on in their heads and sits on their shoulders, not only determines the outcome of their businesses, but also determines the ease and enjoyment factor of their work – something I’m passionate about women achieving in their business – as much as any financial success.
Some of the things I see most in the mindset of most women, which massively holds them back, are:
- Fears – All those WHAT IFs and all that enhanced fiction that you play over and over and over in your head. Fear usually comes from the unknown and it’s normal to have fears, I do! But the issue is when the fears build by women making them even bigger and scarier than they actually are – please don’t feed them! Break scary things down into bite size pieces and focus on the evidence that it CAN be done. Remember that fears stay, manifest and grow all the whilst you don’t push past them! Your monster will make fears bigger and scarier – don’t listen!
- Worrying what others think – I teach women that ‘what others think of you is none of your business’. But often when you really break it down, it’s in your head that people are thinking those things! Usually it’s only you that THINKS people are thinking about you. Or are saying (or will say) negative things about you. Women are very good at making stuff up in their heads! So always challenge what is FACT and what is utter fiction. The gremlin likes to play tricks on you, remember to fight it!
- Lack of confidence – confidence is a skill and can be built over time. And the way to boost confidence is simply look at what you’re telling yourself and focusing on. Most women zap their own confidence by comparing themselves to others and comparing their back of house with other women’s front of house and filling in the blanks. Women’s confidence soars by learning a new way of thinking, a better mindset – especially in business. The monster wants you to be weak, so it can dominate – you don’t have to listen to it!
- Making things waaaaay more complicated than they need to be – tasks are made much so bigger by overthinking, over analysing and not chunking things down. Lots of scrambled jumble in their heads sends them into a confusion frenzy! And when they feel like that they can’t see the wood from the trees. Most of the 1:1 sessions I have with my BEST:Business clients are me helping them simplify what they’re doing and helping them get going with smaller things that add up to the big stuff! Your gremlin likes to pressure you, tell it to go away!
- Resistance to ‘getting themselves out there’ – visibilty is key in any business and most small businesses are like black cabs driving around with the lights off! People are waiting for your product and service but they can’t find you because they are hiding with your lights off! Reframing how you see youself on social media, changing the language you use, i.e. switch up “getting yourself out there” to “inspiring and connecting with others” makes a huge difference. If you want to have a successful business you need to be visible, fact. And if you want an enjoyable business you can learn to lighten up about visibility! That monster likes to keep you in a dark alley! Run from it, shine bright and serve your customers and clients!
- Allowing the gremlin on their shoulder to be the boss – That voice that tells you all the above and that you ‘can’t do it’, ‘who do you think you are’, ‘everyone’s going to find out you’re a fraud’ and ‘don’t know what you’re doing’ (base of impostor syndrome). ‘You don’t deserve this’, ‘you’re a failure’, ‘everyone is better than you’, you know the voice I mean! You have to learn how to squash the voice and tell yourself it is just a voice, it’s just your thoughts, it’s just the voice of those pesky incorrect self-limiting beliefs. They are so powerful, but you can push through them – you must learn to take command and BE THE BOSS. Stamp on the monster until it can’t speak anymore!
“I’ve got 99 problems and 95 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for no obvious reason”
Once you have a negative, self-nagging attitude, you will begin to struggle. The self doubt creeps in, the resistance and roadblocks start to form and then you’ll procrastinate, self-sabotage and get side-lined. Which keeps you in a place of fear, stress, overhwlem, failure and worry – ugh!
If you are a small business owner who is stressed, struggling to get your business where you want it to be and worried about the winter, make sure you sign up for my Small Biz Newsletter list! The first newsletter goes out on 1st September with an awesome “GET YOU & YOUR BUSINESS READY FOR WINTER!” freebie and stacks of business mindset tips.
Here are three amazing women who have done the BEST:Business program that are living proof thoughts can be turned around and the gremlin quashed! BEST:Business is only available as a CALLS ONLY option at the moment but look out for details of my BEST:Business – UP-LEVEL that’s out soon!
“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up”
Wendy Welpton is a Natural movement coach and owner of Reclaim Movement. She started BEST:Business with very little confidence in her business and a BIG fear of social media, particularly videos. In just a year she’s now running online and small group sessions AND smashing social media; providing amazing content and a guest expert on Insta Lives too!
“Before BEST: Business I was feeling stuck with a list of dreams, but no specific plan and now I know it was a lack of confidence holding me back. I had a gremlin on my shoulder for sure. The course made me realise I had a unique offering & that I had the passion needed and that I could do it – I just needed the encouragement, focus and support of the BB course & ’tribe’ to help me get out of my own way. And I have!” – Wendy Welpton
Wendy Gomeze was made redundant from her job during Covid and decided to start her own business as a Virtual Assistant, Cavalry VA. She has gone from having colleagues, to working by herself and she found the transition a challenge, as many do. BEST: Business has not only helped build her confidence as a small business owner, but given her a new support team that helps to manage the unhelpful inner dialogue.
“I had a choice to either fight to get back to a corporate job with 4 hours commuting a day, or fight to strike out on my own and live the life I wanted! Without the Best:Business course and the support, expertise, empathy, and a touch of tough love from Janey… And, without the cheerleaders and friends that are the rest of the group, I wouldn’t have taken the leap in the direction I really wanted, but was scared to go. I was questioning whether I could do it (that monster in my head!), but I can. It’s also a relief to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts too!” – Wendy Gomeze
Julia Oldham runs Designs on Cushions – making beautifully hand crafted, personalised cushions in a variety of different styles and fabrics. Julia spent last year taking control of her struggling mindset and is now focused on moving forwards with her business much more positively and is enjoying it so much more!
“Many people talk about having a critical monkey on your shoulder, that prevents you from doing and tells you unhelpful things. Well Janey is the angel on your shoulder each day – saying you CAN! She is always helping you find solutions and you also have a power posse of amazing women supporting you too. From doing BEST:Business, I’ve managed to turn down the noise of that monkey and create more confidence and self-belief” – Julia Oldham
This is exactly why I created my BEST: Business program – a small business mindset program. These women have all got their heads in better places right which is helping them create more successful AND enjoyable businesses! And why I’m putting together BEST:Business – UP-LEVEL out soon!
- The mind creates problems that aren’t there. Most problems in small business aren’t in the business itself but how the business owner thinks and what they are focusing on.
- Reframe and challenge all your thoughts. Remember they are JUST thoughts. And keep pushing back on whether things are fact or fiction
- And don’t forget, most women feel like you do behind the scenes! Surround yourself with those who get it, who won’t judge you and will support and share your business journey with you. It feels amazing!