Janey’s top 20 pregnancy confessions!
So I thought as I’m about to have a baby anytime now, I’d share some of my pregnancy confessions! Many of which I’m sure you aren’t expecting to read, but I wanted to give you an honest (and hopefully refreshing!) account of what it’s been like over the past 8 months. I hope you find them inspirational in some way!
I put double cream on my breakfast cereal – With the twins it was evaporated milk and this time organic double cream! I do half and half with oat milk but my 7am bowl of cereal can not be eaten without a big dollop of the stuff. I do go on to have avocado and hoummas on WF toast around 930am but I literally cannot start my day without this. I can’t believe I just admitted this, ha ha!
I’ve done no real exercise – Apart from doing the odd power walk and teach some bootcamps (where I mainly demo not do!) I’ve chosen to focus on rest, nutrition and mindset. I felt so awful for the first four months, then I’ve not had live-in childcare since last August so time has been an issue and being a single parent of twins and pregnant with a 3rd baby by myself in the last trimester has been utterly exhausting!
I’ve eaten more sugar in the last eight months than I have in eight years – I’m assuming / hoping that as soon as she’s born I’ll revert back to being a no added sugar eater, but all I’ve craved is carbs, sugar, full fat dairy and thankfully greens, cucumber and avocado to balance it all out! In some ways eating sugar again has been liberating and dare I say it quite enjoyable, but I’m aware the more I’m having the more I want and this needs tackling head on in a few weeks!
I’ve slept so badly, I’ve felt like I was going mad – Many of you will know that one of the ways I cope being a working single parent of twins, keeping my appetite down and my energy up is having 8-9 hours sleep a night. I’m lucky if I get 5 or 6 at the moment and it’s taken it’s toll on me massively. I can’t get to sleep (unheard of for me), I’ve had night nausea where I feel sick if I lie on my right, can’t breathe if I lay on my left, twitchy leg syndrome, heartburn and this is all around my twins that always wake once or twice in the night still. I have a new found sympathy for those suffering from Insomnia BUT it’s made me want to help them more. Sleep deprivation is the worse thing I think I’ve ever experienced health wise and although I’m sure it’s been good training to help me cope with an imminent new born (!), I can’t wait to leave the pregnancy insomnia behind and get to sleep at 8pm again!
I’ve never once have worried about the weight I have gained or getting back into shape afterwards – A lot of people have asked me questions about this, but honestly, the LAST thing I think about when pregnant and certainly when I have a new born is my body shape! I’ve gained nearly 3 stone, but it’s mainly bump and I’ve no doubt whatsoever that I’ll get my pre-pregnancy body back at some point. It takes women 9 months to grow a baby, I have no interest in rushing anything around post natal weight loss. Yes I want to be active by walking lots (I enjoy it and it will be spring time!), but seriously, me and my baby’s health and happiness (not the size of my butt) will be the priority!
I’ve not juiced for eight months – I knew I was pregnant before I actually officially found out because I went off coffee and vegetable juices (my two favourite things to start my day!). No matter what I tried, the veg juices made me feel so sick and the same happened last time. But my juicer is ready for when I get out of hospital when hopefully I’ll feel differently about it. Thankfully as I said above, I’ve had lots of greens and avocadoes and even though I avoid fruit generally for gut health and sugar craving reasons, I’ve really enjoyed having more fruit. Over all I’ve still consumed 8 portions + of fruit and veg each day (on top of the toast/potatoes/pasta & cake albeit!)
I drank no wine for 5 months – for someone who used to drink a little wine most days, I found the fact I couldn’t face it at all quite refreshing! I created better evening habits and have never enjoyed a cup of tea so much in my life after a busy day! I have had a few glasses of red wine a week in the last couple of months, which I know is quite controversial. But when I’ve been on the go for 15 hours having juggled work and boys all by myself, a little glass of red with a nice meal has been a lovely way to end the day and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. I plan to breast feed for as long as possible so the wine will be staying out for quite a bit longer too.
I love my sons more than I ever thought possible and have an even deeper respect for them now – My boys who are 7.5 years old, know that I’m a single Mum and so to them, me having their sister by myself is just an extension of their ‘normal’ family life (they were 13 months old when I become a single Mum). As I’ve got more tired and heavier, they’ve voluntarily massaged my feet each night, given me shoulder rubs, helped run me my bath, offered to help more around the house and just been inspirationally kind and lovely. From the minute I told them I was having a baby, they’ve embraced it completely being the selfless little men they are and they can’t wait to meet her. They’ve been considerate, kind and loving and on the days I’ve been having an internal mental battle (which I always hide from them), they have always seemed to come out with lovely one liners that brought a smile to my face! Although my life being a single Mum of three is going to have its challenges, we are a such a strong unit living a modern family dream. They are just the most wonderful little human beings and I’m so proud of them – my daughter is a very lucky girl to have two big brothers like these!
I weigh 10 kgs more than my Dad – My Dad is a super fit 65 year old former professional cyclist , but still! He couldn’t believe it when I told him! But I’ve no stretch marks whatsoever and no cellulite so I must be doing something right! Although Monty did say to me a few nights ago ‘Mummy you’re tummy is so big if you laid down on your back on the floor, you’d look like a giant snail!’
This pregnancy has been way harder than when I was pregnant with my twins – I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m 38 not 31, have twins to look after by myself so putting my feet up and having a lie in is impossible, or the fact that it was such a shock to find out I was pregnant in the first place – probably a combination of all three! But I‘m not joking, it’s been one tough slog. But I’m still standing and smiling and I respect myself even more for the resilience and strength I’ve shown throughout (although there have been times I could have easily lost it and completely shut down!).
I’ve been overwhelmed with the support, generosity and love shown by my friends and clients – I’ve been completely and utterly blown away that so many people – from close friends to clients I’ve worked with, to people I hardly know – who’ve bought me and offered me so many things for the baby. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this and how it restores your faith in human kindness.
I’ve had to manage my thoughts more than ever – So as I’ve felt lonely, stressed, anger, frustration, worry, anxiety, I’ve let myself feel these emotions, dealt with them as best I can and then re-channeled my thoughts and switched them up for better ones. This is what I teach my clients and what I’m very good at in life. When you feel cr**, it’s because you’re focusing on negative things. The only way you can turn them around is to think better. It’s been my saving grace and I believe it’s the secret to having a fantastic life.
The way my daughters’ father has chosen to behave has been shocking and something I’m still coming to terms with – So it was a total surprise to find out I was pregnant as many of you will know. He didn’t want me to go ahead with the pregnancy, but when I told him I couldn’t not have it (personal choice, based on my personal values and beliefs – I totally respect that for some women that might be the right thing to do), he lost it. You see it wasn’t part of his life plan (mine neither as it goes!) and he’s chosen to throw his toys out of the pram and basically pretend this isn’t happening. I was on the receiving end of emotional black mail, horrible emails, he has refused to speak to me, see me, talk rationally about it and now he has blocked me (as have his family) from contacting him via Facebook, twitter, instagram, mobile phone and I think email too. I’ve sent him monthly updates on the baby, encouraging some kind of communication between us but he’s not responded or even acknowledged these. I’m not sure why anyone would choose to behave this way, and it’s been difficult to get my head around. But the core of what I teach is to focus on what you can control, not what you can’t and so that’s what I’ve done. Time will tell whether he decides to change his mind, but I’m not holding my breath! I appreciate that everyone reacts to things like this in different ways but I’ve been at a loss as to why an intelligent grown man can’t even have a conversation about it or at least offer a small amount of support.
It’s reminded me how hard it is carrying extra weight around – I simply can’t imagine being this heavy 247. I realize that with pregnancy it’s front gravity loaded (!), but still. The additional effort on my joints, back and the struggle of movement really has inspired me to help more people lose weight – because I’m convinced they don’t realize how much better their body works when carrying a smaller load. For me I’m carrying the equivalent of an extra 18 bags of sugar on my body. I hate it!
I’ve become so much less efficient and productive – I pride myself on being switched on and efficient, with great energy all day long. My business was growing really well last year, but this pregnancy has knocked me sideways and I’ve really struggled business wise, emotionally and physically. I have a lot of compassion with myself about this, instead of being self-critical, but I’ve been so frustrated! But I’ve taught myself to let things go more, focus on the things I can do and forget the rest and hope that people have understood and won’t hold it against me forever!
I’ve felt more alone than I ever have in my whole life – the last eight months of my life have been ridiculously awful and the biggest emotion I’ve felt is loneliness. Being a single Mum of twins is pretty lonely anyway, but to be pregnant again by yourself, when people are reacting to the shock news (dealing with their fears, disappointments, issues), judging you (trying to project their self-limiting beliefs on you) you’re solely responsible for finances both at home and in business, solely responsible for bringing up two children already and all you really have is yourself to pull you through 247, it’s hard. Of course I have fantastic friends and family, but you’re by yourself so much in a situation like this with no one to fully support you emotionally, no one to contribute financially and take that pressure off. And there’s no one to support you domestically or pick you up when you’re feeling hormonal, stressed, emotional etc. Having said that, the inner strength I’ve found and the joy I’ve managed to find in every day has been enlightening. No one is dying, I have a roof over my head, I live in a safe country, I have a job I love with amazing career and business prospects, two children that adore me and OMG I’m having a baby. How amazing is that? Things could be a whole lot worse! And I remind myself of this frequently.
I feel stronger and more empowered about my life than ever before – Dealing with all the above has made me so determined to have an amazing life filled with energy, productivity, sleep, fun and movement! I’m certainly having to reshuffle business plans left, right and centre, in response to my situation and recent productivity levels falling. But if anyone thinks I’m going to be knocked down by the circumstances of being a single Mum of three, they are very much mistaken! My plan is to take stock over the next 3-6 months and hatch a revised life and business plan to ensure me and my children are financially stable, we are happy and healthy and have a truly awesome life together. It’s a tremendous feeling. It’s always better to put your focus and energy on where you want to be, over what you may not have. Putting a ‘YET’ at the end of sentences on what you don’t have, also spins you a different energy, try it!
I can’t wait to be fit and strong again – Seriously, whilst whipping myself back into shape as I mentioned earlier isn’t my number one priority, over the next 6-12 months I’m SO looking forward to rebuilding my strength and fitness levels up. I was the strongest and fittest I’d been for a while just before I became pregnant and I’ve missed my lack of physical strength more than my faded waist line!
I’m so much more grateful for good energy – Having good energy is my number one priority as I become a new Mum again, it really is the secret to an easier, stronger and more enjoyable life. I want great energy over everything else, so watch out for when I’ve got my real mojo back peeps!
I’m never doing this again – This will be my last pregnancy, I’m getting my tubes tied at the same time I’m having my c-section and I can’t wait to have my child-bearing years done! I always wanted a third baby but always had assumed it would probably never happen and perhaps this is why I’ve been able to embrace this massive change of circumstances and get my head around things. In some ways I do believe that things happen for a reason and that this massive life plot twist happened because this little girl was destined to be in this world. But I AM DONE!
So there you have it, an insight into my behind the scenes pregnancy world!
I just wanted to share some authentic mindset, nutrition, health, fitness and body image points with you all today.. Don’t get me wrong there have been lots of lovely parts of being pregnant, I’ve embraced it as much as possible and I’ve had many fantastic moments and days. Many people have commented on how great I look and I have felt great some of the time. But I want to inspire women to not compare my ‘front of house’ with their ‘behind the scenes’ story if that makes sense. Yes I’m the sort of person who cracks on with things, makes the best of any situation I face and perhaps makes things look easy. But the reality is, it has been a struggle for a lot of the time and I think we can all benefit from honesty!
I’ll update you all when Little Miss Holliday arrives, not long now!