The price I paid to get where I am today.
Just over 20 years ago, there was a woman who hated herself. She was unfit, hated exercise, was a sugar addict and no one in the world detested themselves more than she did. She punished herself daily. She mentally beat herself up all day long. It was exhausting. And her life experience was totally compromised 😞
She was crippled with self-limiting and unhelpful beliefs. She had an out of control inner dialogue. And her negative voice was the boss and continually crushed her. She was paranoid, loathed being alone, constantly worried what people thought of her, hated the way she looked and had really low self-esteem (and you wouldn’t know this from the outside by the way!).
But she decided to do something about it. And change. And she did.
She bought self-development books, went to therapy, invested in coaches and mentors. And committed to changing the end of her story. She pushed herself out her comfort zone, educated herself with things that aren’t taught in schools. Did training courses. And surrounded herself with uplifting and inspiring people that had similar values. And those who were working towards a common goal.
This girl now has great self-esteem, high fives herself as she walks past the mirror and is truly kind to herself. 💖
She beat the sugar addiction for good and has exercised consistently for 20 years (even setting up one of the most successful outdoor fitness businesses in the UK as a former exercise hater!!). And she totally got on her own side. We can ALL change!
The same woman, whilst positive, healthy and happy as a result of the above, has had many life struggles and plot twists to deal with along the way…
In 2010 she found herself in a really tricky place. Her business was going under fast at the back end of the last recession. She was going through a horrific divorce. And she was a single Mum of one year old twins with no family in the UK.
She woke up one night and was physically sick from the stress. She didn’t know what she was going to do and how she’d get through these times. And she was full of fear and panic, overwhelm and exhaustion. She showed up strong on the outside and most never knew her true back of house.
In that horrible moment in the middle of that night, she decided that the way she was thinking wasn’t helping. There HAD to be a way to deal with this differently, better. And she soon started to realise 1) the power of mindset to get you out your current reality. And 2) the importance of daily inspiration to lift yourself when times are tough. Little did she know this awful moment, was a pivotal moment in her life. It was the catalyst to her becoming a mindset coach and changing career path for the better.
She made a vision board, put inspirational quotes all over her house, journaled every morning and built herself a much better mind and life tool kit. She read books and listened to audios each day to educate herself and get her out of where she didn’t want to be. And into a life she did. ✨
In the summer of 2011, where most the year, she had been getting up at 4am to work whilst her twins were asleep to get extra work hours in and pull her business through the recession. And where she used to do 121 PT sessions at 515am and 730pm around teaching 10 bootcamp sessions a week. Whilst also working full time in the office – doing everything to pull her business through (and of course looking after the twins around all that) – she was shattered!
But she was still 100% committed to changing the end of her story and to get through it all in one piece AND still smiling! And the resilience and strength she built in this time blew her mind, with the perspective of hindsight.
Later that year, a coach she knew, launched an online course to help people migrate their expertise online. She was just about maxed out on all her credit cards and had about £1200 space left on one. She knew that the 6 week course (which was £1000!), would change things for her. But she really couldn’t afford it with money so tight. And so many responsibilities as a single Mum and business owner.
But a few hours before the course closed for bookings, she heard a voice saying “You can’t afford not to”. And she signed up.
In those 6 weeks, she worked through the course content in the evenings from her bed whilst her twins slept. No one worked harder on the course than her. And shortly after, she created her first online course which sold out in 48 hours! She launched another course at the end of that, which also sold out. She did it! And she got her finances and life back on track. She set up a new online business helping women all over the world now. She was so proud of herself.
She moved to Kent in 2012 when her twins were four and the beautiful house she moved into, looked exactly like the one on her vision board from 2010, it was a bit freaky actually! 😃
Fast forward a few years and in 2017 – a year after she had her daughter by herself (another blog on that story coming soon!). She moved to Sidmouth in Devon with her three kids by herself, to start a new life for them all.
It was one of the happiest and hardest years of her life.
She knew she’d done the right thing. But there were childcare challenges after childcare challenges. She was also living in a new town where she didn’t know one person, with no family or friends near either. In fact, she used to go to Waitrose every day, just to be able to get some adult company and a hello from someone at the checkout!
But she dug deep, borrowed money to keep her business afloat and eventually got on an even keel, repaid that money and settled down in a place she feels most at home.
In 2019, her daughter who was 3, wasn’t speaking. And she hardly slept. She was extremely high energy, super sensitive and headstrong on another level. And after nursery picked up on some red flags she embarked on a SEN journey.
At the same time as this, she was a victim of narcissistic abuse. Which nearly destroyed her. And she was broken like never before. Life felt so dark and heavy. And she had such dark and heavy thoughts that weighted her down like a lead balloon and made her question life.
But, she knew she had to keep showing up for her children and clients. And she knew that the only thing she could do was to put her focus on what she could control. And she knew that she had to arm herself with an even better mind and life tool kit. To get her through a different plot twist. It was tough for sure, but she knew she could do it. She had learnt along the years to trust that you always come out the other side when you’re on your own side. And when you don’t blame others, simply take responsibility for YOU.
And so she invested in herself again; 1) To get help rebuilding her life with a narcissist expert, who understood and knew how she felt and could give proper advice to help her recalibrate and get over the trauma. 2) A private SEN consultant because she was appalled by the SEN system and knew what they were advising was not what her daughter needed. And 3) A business coach to give her an empowering focus to help her build her business up again after all the behind the scenes had taken her focus away.
She went on to have one of the most successful year of business for years after that. And whilst still not completely over the trauma of the narcissist (because this was the hardest thing she’d ever been through of all). She became stronger each day.
She invested SO much time, patience and energy with her daughter. And her daughter was a chatterbox by four. Her daughter needed water to stay calm, so she did 3 x 30 minute baths each day where she did speech therapy in a place where her daughter could stay still! She taught her daughter to swim and paddle board. She put hours in each day and week to boost her daughter’s confidence and self-worth. This hard work paid off big time. And after having been told at two, that the chances of her going to a mainstream school were highly unlikely, she made it into reception smiling!
The continuing challenges she had of being a single Mum of 3, having her kids 100% of the time and her daughter now diagnosed with autism and sensory processing disorder, with suspected ADHD / PDA too, life was full on. And many mornings she would wake up thinking “I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know if I can do it”.
But she kept investing in herself to make her stronger and to help her make her life more easy and enjoyable, despite the difficulties and the chaos. And she learnt about time management, compartmentalising and life / business planning. She became the time block ninja and as a result was more productive in her business (and home!) – and was able to relax and switch off more too!
The more she put what she learnt into practice, the more she thought “Why didn’t I do this before?!”.
In October 2021 when she had to move from Sidmouth to Honiton as there were no homes available to rent in Sidmouth, she felt ruined! And she found herself in a rut again. She felt like a complete failure, that life was unfair. And her negative thoughts took over and life felt so overwhelming. All her usual mindset and motivation strategies just weren’t working this time round. And she felt frustrated. And tired. Especially after the pandemic too!
But again, she invested in herself to lift herself.
And it worked.
She got herself out of that rut!
At the start of 2022, her intentions for the year were “RISE, CONFIDENCE, FUN, ME and MOMENTUM”
And she made all of this happen! She got back to Sidmouth, made new friends, tried new things in her business, had one of the best summers of her life. And her confidence and magic mindset came back, wahaaaay! 🤩
In the last 12 months, she’s done two online courses 1) One that has taken her mindset to another level and made her the most relaxed she’s ever been despite the craziness in her life, And 2) A business one; that has helped her have the confidence to up-level and change her business structure completely. And, to make peace with some of her business related foibles which had often been niggling away at her in the background.
She’s had a mentor all year long too. Which helped boost her confidence even more and meant she’s had someone championing her each month. Where she was able to be heard, supported, pushed gently and not judged.
She journaled her backside off! She read lots of mind and life changing books. And whilst there have been highs and lows and lifts and dips as there always is with life – and especially as a single Mum and SEN Mum. She ended 2022 strong.
And in 2023; her words for the year are UP-LEVEL, SIMPLIFY, MAGIC, to DANCE WITH LIFE and LOOK AFTER HERSELF LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
And she’s invested in herself again.
She’s continuing with her coach and mentor; and finishing some online courses. And despite the world feeling like a crazy place for many; she is choosing to lift herself, to put her focus on all the good, to not get dragged down by negativity and doom and gloom.
She’s not on social media or on her phone at the start of the day. She’s not on it at the end of the day either. She taps into the news once every couple of days. And instead, feeds her mind with goodness.
She’s had some personal setbacks and struggles in the first couple of months of the year, which temporarily took her down. But didn’t stay down long; by reframing the situation, feeling into her feelings and focusing on gratitude, being present and getting excited about the future!
Remember, we choose what we focus on and what we feed our mind.
And the reason I’m sharing this story is because over the last 20 years, I’ve invested the best part of £35,000 in myself. Maybe more.
And I simply cannot imagine where I would be now without it.
I am a strong person. I am a good person. And I am a happy and positive person.
But life happens. And when it does, I am not afraid to ask for help when things get tough. And I know when I need to get help.
And I know the power of taking in inspirational information (definition of inspire is to breathe life into). And being supported by others who have your back.
As a mindset coach I know a lot of tools, tricks and techniques of course. But I also have the growth mindset. We often need to learn new things; when what we know doesn’t help us anymore. What got you here won’t get you there and all that!
Sometimes new situations arise or you’re a different age, or dealing with different challenges. Sometimes you get things wrong. Sometimes a new level of mindset, motivation or method is required.
I know many people struggle to invest in themselves. Women especially resist putting their hands in their pockets as they nearly always put other’s needs before their own!
So I wanted to remind you today the importance of investing time and money into YOU!
And that it’s never about the price really, is it? It’s always about the value you get. And sometimes we forget to roll that film forwards a little bit further.
And that value never just impacts you. It positively impacts so many other people or things, especially those you love.
I know many people aren’t living the life they want right now. They might have a life that looks good on the outside but not the inside. Maybe they don’t feel good, they are doing too much, they’re overwhelmed, imbalanced, or not the version of them they want to be. But many people struggle to ask for help, invest in themselves and change things.
And they get so stuck inside their own heads!
And stuck in their lives. Easily forgetting there is always a different perspective, another way to think, a. better way of doing things – and always a solution or breakthrough at your finger tips.
So please remember… We have this one shot at life. Just the one.
And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to waste any of it.
Don’t tell yourself you don’t have the time or don’t have the money to invest in YOU and create a BETTER life experience.
Make time, make different choices if need be.
Create space for what will enhance your time and life on this amazing planet.
Because if you don’t no one else will.
If any of this resonates with you. And perhaps (with all my personal and professional experience of the last 20 + years), I could help you create the life you’ve always imagined?
Or, support you as you navigate your way through your life?
Well, my Women’s Mindset Club would be a brilliant place to start!
If you’re wanting a better life experience, to free yourself of overwhelm and you’d love to take back command of your mind, time and life. As well as being championed and supported by me and an amazing group of women who’ll have your back, want the best for you and will be working alongside you.
Come and join us! Details HERE.
(you can spread the payments monthly too – and if not for you, sign out anytime)
The women in the club so far are such lovely women. Who are determined to fix what’s not working in their life. To really become the boss of their mind, time and life. To change the end of the their story. To have a better life experience.
AND, truly enjoy the journey of change and transformation too – no one said taking back command of your life needs to be hard!
We’d love to have you with us if this sounds like something that would help you!
And really the motto of this story above is two fold; 1) We ALL have the power to change the end of our story when we put our mind to it. And 2) Having difficulties in life is a given. But it’s the way you prepare, respond and deal with them that changes everything.
We really do only have one life. This is it. Let me help you live it well.
And if you didn’t know, because of the domestic abuse I experienced in the past, 5% of all THE WOMEN’S MINDSET CLUB subscriptions and 5% of all my individual programs go to Women’s Aid, via Work for Good. All details of my “Gift to Women” is here.
Janey x
PS – If you know someone you love is struggling, but struggling to invest in themselves, please share this with them. Or, you can buy a 10 week THE WOMEN’S MINDSET CLUB gift pass for a friend for £99! All details here.
PPS
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