Top ten mindset secrets
Learning how to manage your mind is so unbelievably powerful in all areas of your life – and it’s right at the end of our fingertips too! Here are my top 10 mindset tips to make your life easier and enjoyable right now…
- A thought is just a thought. When you’re thinking stressful things or sad things, it’s because you’re focusing on stressful or sad things. To become happier or less stressed, focus on things that make you feel happy or relaxed. This sounds easy and it is when you know how, but it takes practice. Once you get this, your life is never the same again. We have the capability to control all thoughts. People often say to me ‘ but I can’t control them coming into my head surely?’ Experienced thought managers can but for the rest of us, when we find thoughts appear in our heads, it is our job to remove them and replace them.
- Identify your feelings. Your feelings come from the thoughts you have, so a really good way of working out what you’re thinking about, is in fact how you feel. You can’t feel great when you are thinking about horrible things and you can’t feel horrible when you’re thinking about great things. When I’m feeling low (and it does happen from time to time!), I do let myself feel low temporarily but I know it’s coming from the thoughts I’m having. So slowly, I start to change my thoughts and my feelings and mood lifts pretty quickly.
- You always have a choice. A choice about what you do and don’t do, who you have around you in your life, what job you do, what money you earn and how you spend your time, including how you feel and what you think about. You can also choose to flip your mindset around if something that you feel you haven’t chosen comes your way. In other words you have a choice in how you react. I could be in a lot of stress right now as I face being a single parent to three children, especially as my daughter-to-be’s father to be, wants absolute nothing to do with us and has blocked me from contacting him and my boys’ father refuses to pay his minimal maintenance on time, messing us around permanently. I could play the victim and complain and whine or I can get on with it and put my energy on the right things. This change of mindset is based around a choice that everyone has in every situation. And I choose a more positive path with good grace. If I choose a different reaction the only person that is negatively affected is me and that doesn’t help me. This switch is really powerful if you feel like you’ve been let down by someone.
- You can’t control everything. So put all your energy on what you can control and the things you can’t control, well completely let go of them! You can’t change other people you can only change yourself. Usually the need to control something or someone comes from fear. The opposite of fear is love. When you focus on you and don’t worry what others are doing there is a massive shift of energy. Less fear, not so much frustration, more love, more happy hormones and all this leads to better choices, better thoughts, better feelings and a total mindset transition. There are also plenty of things that pop up in life that we simply can’t control or even predict (see my Plot Twist blog). When these happen, fighting them make them worse. Embrace the things you can’t control even, don’t be afraid of them and trust yourself that everything will come good.
- There is always someone worse off than you. We nearly always compare ourselves to those who we deem more successful than us or those who we deem better (bigger house, better body, more money, cleverer children etc.). This is one of the biggest energy and mood drainers out there. As a single parent of two (nearly three) children, I could compare myself to women with a wonderful husband, financial security, savings in the bank (and I’d be lying if I don’t do this sometimes!), but when I can feel my mindset go, I know I’m thinking bad things and then I replace those bad things with better ones. I may be a single parent with no savings, but I’m not a Syrian refugee crossing the Mediterranean with my kids in a boat. I’m safe, I have a roof over my head, great friends and family and work that I love. Which comparison helps most? The latter of course. That doesn’t mean I’m not striving for other things but comparing myself so I feel crap about myself is a choice I could make, but don’t because why would anyone want to feel crap about themselves?
- Always be grateful of what you have. The biggest mindset shift is to focus on what you have and your potential, rather than what you don’t’ have now, used to have in the past, what other’s have. 99 times out of 100 I wake up in a great mood, feeling wonderful about life. But that’s because I go to bed thinking about all the things I am grateful for so go to sleep feeling wonderful, sleep well and wake up feeling fresh and lovely. On the rare occasion I feel a bit grumpy, I know it’s because I’m not focusing on the good stuff enough. So I take 5 minutes to look around me and switch my energy by switching my mindset. We always have things to be grateful for and things to make us happy. Always. So look for them at every opportunity.
- You can downsize and simplify your life at anytime. What I find incredible is how many people think they ‘have’ to do things. “I have to have this job to pay the mortgage”. No you don’t. The house you live in and the mortgage you have is a choice you make. Most people could live in a smaller house. They may not want to but they could do (and often people don’t because of a fear of what other’s think – nuts or what?!). That is a choice. We live in information overload, but we choose to take information in (and we choose how to react to it). We also live in a ‘we can have it all’ society and there’s nothing wrong with that. But just because you can have it all, doesn’t mean you have to. I’ve massively downsized and simplified my life recently and honestly, I’ve never been happier. And I’m seeing a big trend towards people doing this.
- Don’t put other’s needs before your own. I know this is a difficult one for some people to take on board but I hear “I have to work hard because my company needs you” all the time. No they don’t. If you got run over by a bus tomorrow, they’d be forced to find someone else to do your job. I hate to say this but most people are replaceable in the workforce. So don’t be a slave to someone else’s dreams if you don’t’ want to. And if you’re really not replaceable then ask HR to double your salary and work fewer hours!
- Know your map of the world is different to others. Success to you is different for success to me. My ideal life is very different to many others. Recognize that there is no right and wrong to how people live their lives, it’s all just different. If someone wants to be an actress or artist, which could be very badly paid but filled someone’s life with joy, then don’t project your fears and your opinions on them if money and security is important to you – it may not be important to them. The same applies to other people projecting their fear on to you if you want to make a change in your life. Drown out the noise and put all your focus on what you want and what feels right for you. What other people think of you is none of your business. Dig deep and design a life that works for you, because no one else in the world is you.
- Pretend! Your mind listens to what you tell it and as my co-coach Gill Harvey-Bush says ‘ You may as well tell yourself positive bullshit instead of negative bullshit!’ Trick your mind into thinking that there’s so much good around you, even when it feels like it isn’t. As you’re on the tube to work, dreading a meeting in an environment you want to get out of, you’re running late, the person next to you is really annoying you, you’ve got a hangover, you’ve forgotten your lunch all that sort of stuff, do some make believe! In your head say things like ‘ La la la, off to work we go, love my job, love my world, who cares about the lunch, I’m going to kick some butt in the meeting, the day will go past super quick and hum a little tune to all this’. You may be lying a little but your brain will think this is real and then guess what, the energy and mindset transforms and you have a better day and essentially the make believe becomes real! On a serious note if you want to change jobs, do it – as you have a choice (see earlier points!), but many people complain about the things we can’t control. Absolutely pointless. Complaining is another energy / mood robber so next time you find yourself moaning about stuff, realize that’s also a choice and turn it around.
Have fun with all of this, in fact that’s really another tip for you! Changing your mindset should never be serious. Let’s all lighten up, as I wrote in last week’s blog ‘Your beautiful life’, the things modern humans fear and get caught up in is hilarious (well tragic).
Have an amazing week and I hope this was helpful. Come back to me with any questions if you have any and if you want some real, long-lasting mindset success, then come and join me on the next BEST program which kicks off for the 7th time in September 2018!